November 5, 2009
Well, it's finally here! My one-year anniversary! I am SOOO happy! I feel like a completely different person. This surgery may have helped me more mentally than it did physically! And what they did physically I consider a miracle.
Today here I stand, solidly, on two feet, exactly one year later. November 5th. 12 months ago I wondered if I'd ever run again. And as I go through some of my past posts, all these feelings are coming back, and I'm remembering what I went through. To be honest, I've blocked most of it out. Your mind can do amazing things.
This was a long, hard journey, but I'm not sure I've EVER been more motivated to do anything in my life. I ran my last 5k before surgery in October of 08, with a PR and a time of 22:30. This October I ran the same race, with a time of 23:04. I've worked my butt off to get this far and plan to keep doing so! I met with a running specialist/physical therapist this week because I have poor running form. I am running with a limp, although it doesn't necessarily hurt. It turns out I have some very weak hip/glute muscles from atrophy after surgery, so I've been given a stack of exercises and now that we've pinpointed where the weaknesses lie, my running form should correct itself in no time.
One of my major concerns about surgery was whether or not I would be able to play soccer after surgery. However, I was unable to play prior to surgery as well, because my ankles were in such bad shape. So I didn't have anything to lose there. I have tried several times to play soccer. I can kick around just fine, without taping, however, when I tape up, it seems to "mush" everything together and I get a lot of popping that is quite unbearable, so I haven't been able to play very competitively for longer than 8 minutes. It's extremely frustrating and very upsetting. I've gone to a couple games, and leave in hysterics each time. So I've come to terms with it, and I will not try to play again until after my wedding. Because I haven't gone through all of this to NOT be able to walk down that aisle!
I am extremely grateful for everything. I am able to run, and more importantly, my quality of life has improved so dramatically. I can now stand at the kitchen sink and not fall over while doing dishes. That is the thing I notice the most. I have pain still, yes, of course. But it's normal and I'm so used to it that I would probably notice if it DIDN'T hurt, rather than when it does. And it's okay. I have a lot of scar tissue that needs to be worked out, but I've also come a long way.
I have new focuses in my life. I am now a Group X Instructor at 24 Hour Fitness, and I'm loving it. It feels right. Being bed ridden for 3 months taught me patience. It made me lose my mind...but also taught me patience. I feel a void without soccer, but I'm hoping that will fade with time. I went in for my 9 month check-up with a printed page of results, a picture of me running in the race, and my name and time highlighted at #1, and handed it to my surgeon. The look on his face was priceless. "Melissa, that is amazing..." he has it on his desk still. :) It makes me happy. I wanted to print out a new one when I beat that time, but figured one was enough.
To all of you who have been reading this, and emailing asking how I am doing, I'm so sorry for the delay in responding, and sincere thanks for your concern! I am alive, and well and know a great surgeon in Dallas if you are interested, which you probably are if you're reading this! I mean, who else's surgeon walks into the room on your 1-year check-up, gives you a hug and says "Happy Birthday!" I look forward to my appointments because I have so much good news to share! I'm also part of a case study at Baylor, they are evaluating my gait before and after surgery, and charting my progress. A surgeon from the UK is flying in and they are presenting my case to him! Awesome! It's an unusual case, I'm still not "cured" by any means...they would have to do an osteotomy of my tibia and that's SO not going to happen. I consider myself lucky right now, I'm not going to try my luck again!
I think to celebrate I will go to boxing twice today. All I know is that I'll be doing something athletic. I thought about waiting until the pm class, and going for a run beforehand, but I'm not sure I can make it through the day without releasing some endorphins, I'm so freaking excited!
3 comments:
I have been a chronic ankle sprainer since age 12. This summer was the last straw for me. After a high ankle sprain in August and 5 subsequent ones in a month I decided to see my doctor. My physician sent me to physical therapy only to discover 2 months later I had a torn ligament. He sent me to a sports medicine doctor and ended up in the dreaded Frankenstein boot for a few weeks. Long story short I am being scheduled for ankle reconstruction surgery. When I read your blog about falling over for no apparent reason I know exactly what this is. I always thought I was clumsy but during the last couple weeks it became apparent that it was my ankle causing me to fall over when walking and not being "clumsy". So it looks like I will be getting a cast for Christmas this year and some vicoden. Oh joy! The part that will stink is no sledding this winter with my daughter. Yes, at age 41 I still love to sled. Cheers.
I'm so sorry to hear that, best of luck to you! I wish you a speedy recovery, and if all goes well, you'll be glad you did it! I know I am!! Happy holidays and best wishes for a successful surgery and speedy recovery!
I'm glad things are working out for you. I've had five surgeries in 20 months (counting the one later this week), and I'm still a wreck, though not without hope. As for running, I gave up on that years ago, but I still dream that I can. May you take joy in running while you can as all things are eventually lost to us.
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