Friday, December 26, 2008

Day 51+


DSC00882_72
Originally uploaded by megalitz
It's day 51 post op, wow! Photo is from day 50+. It's looking really, really great, and feeling better even though the progress is slow. It's hard to see day to day progress, but week to week and month to month progress is quite evident. Thank goodness!

I can almost bend my right foot towards my body as much as my left. The swelling goes down every day, and the scab/scars look better every day as well. It's...*tear*...starting to resemble a real and possibly healthy ankle! I have a long way to go, the bones, especially the ones on the top of my foot and the ball of my foot still feel broken, the heel feels better, it can touch blankets and things without being super painful.

I'm able to "workout" too, a little! Today was my most "normal" day since before surgery. I went tanning, got a salad from Central Market, worked out, etc. Three normal things! Yay! My workouts are fun, one-legged fun, of course. But today I was doing jumping jacks on my left leg with no pain in the right whatsoever!

3 weeks until my next doctor's appointment. Yay! I'm glad its 3 weeks and not 2, I know I need as much time in between as possible. Maybe I won't nearly pass out at the next appointment. :)

Pain: yeah it hurts, i worked out today. ;) pain is a 2.
Quote: "A person is not old until regrets take the place of dreams" - John Barrymore

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Day 46+


DSC00556_13+30+44_72
Originally uploaded by megalitz
O-kay, I went and got cast #2 removed a couple days ago. I didn't get as close to passing out as I did when they removed the first cast, but still had to lie down for a moment. So I'm now in a walking boot that I am not allowed to walk in. Hilarious. But that's okay, I'm not ready to walk yet. My bones hurt so much. The ligaments, the tendons, the screw, everything hurts so much.

Friday (cast removal day) and Saturday were pretty much unbearable. Being out of that nice, protective cast was quite a shock to my entire leg. It, nor I, were very happy. But it was nice to be able to wash and shave my leg, and put some lotion on the ENORMOUS cracks on my foot. The pain was incredible. My foot is SO tight, as expected, but I didn't expect my heel to hurt whenever I move my foot. Every time. Not to mention that the surgeon's assistant GRABBED MY HEEL...hello....?! And that wasn't even the worst part. As they are fitting me for the boot, they are strapping one of the straps across the top of my foot and they squeezed it too tight and if felt like they broke a bone in the top of my foot. Instant tears. The surgeon came back by, incredibly confused, asking what was wrong, b/c I was just fine two minutes ago. :) Yay. So that sucked. It was like they pushed a button that was marked "cry." And tears came without actually *crying* if that makes sense, and then they were gone. Wow. I shouldn't have written all that, I'm not sure I ever want to relive that.

However, it is Sunday and after 2 days of vicodin and tears, I feel much, much better! Thank God!! I know I have already gained a bit of flexibility, the pain is nowhere near as intense, and my foot is not as hypersensitive as it was Friday. I am still non-weightbearing for four more weeks, but that's okay. I'm laying around sans boot b/c I don't like it...it's wayyy too heavy, my poor baby leg and ankle can't support the weight of it. I mean, my leg is the size of my arm. How am I supposed to hold any weight?! I have no muscle! Heck, I don't even have anything besides bone and a thin layer of skin over my shinbone! I hope I don't cut my leg shaving b/c I'll probably accidentally shave off some of my bone! What do skinny people do when they have to shave their legs?!

Okay, enough from me. Pic above is day 13, 30 and two of day 44 (before and after shower).

Pain: it hurts
Quote: box is at work. :(

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Day 42+, 6 weeks post-op!


DSC00494_72
Originally uploaded by megalitz
Yes, this picture is old. I was looking through my "ankle" photos to choose which one I was going to post with this...post... and I saw this and just couldn't believe it... I can't even believe that this happened, that this is me in this photo, that this whole crazy charade actually occurred. 6 weeks ago. I barely remember this photo. I mean, I do, but..wow. It was so long ago!

I feel good. I mean, it hurts, don't get me wrong, but I feel like it hurts today because I was hard on it yesterday. I "worked out" for 30 minutes. Now, bear in mind that my "work out" is much different than a work out I would do pre-op. This thirty minutes is spent switching between ab work, arm work, and leg lifts. Bo-ring. But it made me feel like I was really doing something, so that's good. I'm going to keep it up. But seriously, I am sore today. Ridiculous!

The not-working-out thing is really starting to get to me. I'm starting to over-analyze everything. I do this to some extent anyways, but it just gets a whole lot worse at times like these. Simple things, are oh-so-complicated for me. I started writing the details, but... I'll spare you. Anyways. it's temporary, or so I tell myself. :)

Pain: it varies. Before half a vicodin: 3. After: 0.5
Quote: "When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." - Audre Lorde. Well, Audre, I don't know about you, but I am quite fearful of Friday morning. Great, I am now talking back to the quotes. I'm really losing it. ;) Has anyone seen my cookie?

Monday, December 15, 2008

Day 40+


DSC00658_72
Originally uploaded by megalitz
I'm close to 6 weeks post op and feeling better physically and worse mentally. My Dad made a good point... I had told him that I really didn't feel any improvement in my ankle, that it still hurt as much as it did three weeks ago. However, 3-4 weeks ago, I was on pain pills all day, with a pain level of 3 or 4. Now I'm off pain meds, with a pain level of 3 or 4. And actually, I'm really at a 0 when I wake up in the morning, and it begins to hurt worse and worse as the day progresses. But never above a 3...or 4...

It feels good today. Hurt yesterday, but I over worked it yesterday and payed the price immediately. :) I'm supposed to get the cast off on Friday, but I am scared b/c I feel I have too much pain to be in a walking boot at this point. I never thought I would say that, I figured I would be itching, literally, to get out of this cast. But instead I'd like a new one. :) Give me one more week in a cast. :)

Almost of 6 weeks and no exercise has started to take its toll on me, mentally. I am losing motivation, not exactly super happy or excited about anything, very easily agitated, hardly any patience... worse than usual, etc. It's hard. I'm not sure what I'm going to do... just try to sleep alot until Friday when I get the update on my progress, I suppose. I wonder when I can start riding a bike and such? I don't think I'm quite ready to think about that yet. I can't imagine adding more pain onto what I have now. I want it to really feel awesome before I go and over work it...some more.

pain: 1
quote: "Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds." - Orison Swett Marden. crazy name.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Day 35+, 5 weeks!


DSC00556_13+30_72
Originally uploaded by megalitz
Today is officially 5 weeks from surgery. The pain is still there. Now its in the bottom inside of my foot, like I said yesterday. This picture is a comparison of day 13 and day 30, when I got my first and second casts on. The doc said the swelling had gone down a lot but I don't see that. In fact, it looked more swollen to me on cast round deux. But whatever. I get this cast off next Friday, hard to believe. I really don't want it off. It feels safe in there, my ankle. But this one is loose already. Amazing how small my entire leg has gotten. It's really quite gross. I can't touch my kneecap at all because it's so bony it hurts to touch. Seriously. Ew.

Pain: 3.5 New shooting pains today, fun.
Quote: damn! Now I owe two quotes!...the quote book is at work! Sheesh!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Day 34+


DSC00652_72
Originally uploaded by megalitz
So technically today is day 34 of post-op, but this photo was taken on day 30. It will be 5 weeks post op tomorrow, hard to believe. Well, maybe not so hard. I was having a lot of pain last week, so I called the Dr., and went in for a replacement cast. After quite a bit of pain that day, I'd say I got up to 4-5 range, it finally subsided after a full 24 hours in the new, tighter cast. I was at 0 pain over the weekend, but that quickly ended sunday evening. If I stay in bed and don't move all weekend, I can get my pain down pretty low. But how realistic is that?

I'm at a 4 again right now. It feels like there is a pocket of swelling on the bottom inside of my foot that just will not go away. strange, but that is where it hurts the absolute most. it is taking all of my attention away from any other pain. I'd say my foot looks about the same now as it did day 13, when the splint was removed and i got my first cast. maybe sub the redness for dry, cracked skin.

i cant even finish this post, i have to get something to drink to take some pain meds. uh, advil is sooo over-rated. the good news is im not taking much of the pain killers anymore, and actually went without them entirely for a good week and a half. now i take maybe 175 mg at night. my Rx is for like 500 mg every 4 hours. so i'm doing well id say!

okay, more tomorrow.

pain: 4
quote: ahh! where are my cards?! quote coming later! eek!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Day 27+ post op, Day 14+ cast #1


DSC00563_72
Originally uploaded by megalitz
I have to specify cast #1 b/c I am going back to the Dr. this Friday, earlier than planned, to have the cast removed, foot examined, and casted again. I'm having more pain than usual, I feel a lot of pressure on the inside of my foot, the heel, the toes, etc. Different pains than before, too. I can only have my foot down for a minute or so, before toes are completely purple and im in quite a bit of pain. as soon as i elevate my foot, my toes regain their normal color, within seconds. but why are they going numb, and so much more often now than ever? the cast is getting looser, so... what gives? the dr. assistant said i probably have done too much on it, and need to stay off of it. which is humorous, considering i cant actually "be" on it since i am still NWB. but even laying in bed last night, it was going numb. very uncomfortable. im so uncomfortable, its starting to drive me a little mad. not crazy mad, just a little. its hard at night, i have a really hard time getting comfortable. i just want to cry out of sheer frustration. im getting tired, depressed, etc. i just want to sleep the days away until this is over.

its been almost four weeks now, and its really sinking in that i havent exercised. my body knows, i can feel it everywhere, especially mentally. i feel like i am going to crawl out of my skin. i need to stay sedated somehow, so that i can remain calm and get through this. the good news about being depressed is that you dont want to be excited, happy or run around. you just want to sleep. its sad, i know, but its hard. granted, im not nearly as bad as i thought i would be, but that doesn't make getting through it any easier. *sigh*

I know I'm closer and closer to getting through this, and I know I will, and I'll be just fine in the end. I know that. :) But seriously, my back hurts from sitting in the same position for four weeks. :)

Pain: You know, I should have rated my numbness/tingling from the start. Oh well.... Pain: 3, with lots of tingling...falling asleep feeling.
Quote: "Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you stop pedaling." -Claude Pepper ...I have bad news for Claude.... I can't pedal right now, I only have one leg!!! :)

pic is still from day 13+.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Day 26+


DSC00562_72
Originally uploaded by megalitz
Well, the good news is: November 5th is no longer visible when I pull up my iCal, which is great, the surgery date is further and further away, theoretically meaning I am closer to recovery and feeling better each day. The bad news is: I am not feeling better. Its like one step forward, three steps back. I was hoping for vice-versa.

I can only have my foot down for a minute or so, and now when I do, my toes go completely purple, and fast. They appear to be dead, like my circulation is cut off. A nurse friend of mine says it doesn't look good, so that concerns me. I am having a lot of pain in my heel, but not just there now. When I put my foot down I feel pressure on the inside of my foot as well. This is new. Me=not happy.

I'm so frustrated right now. I just began to be able to start doing more things, which is great, and now I feel like that's being yanked away from me. I'm only okay when I'm at home, in my bed, and not moving. I'm beginning to get a little depressed, which REALLY sucks because I have been so overly happy for the past 3 weeks, week 4 is proving to be quite stressful and frustrating thus far.

Pain: 3
Quote: And thank God for this quote today, maybe this will get me through this "super" Monday.... "Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." -John Wooden